Funny Observations From My Life As A Single Mom: Fournado rears it's ugly head.

1. My son turned 4 and he is moodier than our current President on a Twitter rant.   

2. Getting him dressed in anything but his favorite red shorts is much like watching a scene out of The Exorcist.  At one point it's quiet and we're smiling.  I simply state "its time to get dressed."  He starts flipping the F*&% out.  I'm just staring at him waiting for pea soup to come spewing out of his face and his head to start rotating.  

3. His behavior has become slightly...hmmm...how shall I put this without sounding like the worlds worst mother...Defiant. We will call him defiant for lack of a less offensive word.  We will ask him not to do something (I,e. jump on the couch, chase the dog with a lightsaber, etc.) and he will, straight up, lock eyes with us and do said thing repeatedly and with no remorse until he is reprimanded.  Then looks at us with a scowl and says "I don't like you anymore." As soon as he turns his back I find it very difficult not to flip him off.  

4. What the hell is up with my child asking me a question, I answer the questions, then he promptly tells me I am wrong, answers his own question, then walks away?  It's only after exchanges like that when I truly start to question my own sanity.  

5. Is it just MY kid that HAS to be naked to poop? What is that about?

6.  How can someone be so fearless and also need a nightlight?

7. There isn't any conversation that doesn't involve the mention of a fart or a poop. 

8. If I had to relate Fournado someone without kids I would say it is similar to the impulse control of Lindsay Lohan crossed with Scott Stapp on meth with a side of KellyAnn Conway's logic.  

9. At this point no one is a stranger...its makes the introvert in me FREAK THE F OUT! Mainly because when he talks to people then I HAVE TO TALK TO STRANGERS.  I do not like talking to strangers.  Hell, I don't even like talking to non-strangers.  

10.  I will say this about FOURNADO...  It is the most inquisitive and thirsty for knowledge that my son has ever been. Example: Today he asked me to explain how a sound studio is turned into a set to make a movie look real...all before 7 AM and my first cup of coffee.  

10 Legit Tips for Boy Moms

Raising a tiny person of the male variety in a single mother household is challenging, to say the least.  When I found out I was having a boy I was elated. Truth be told, I never really pictured myself having a daughter.  I mean I was sure I could do it, but I just always knew I would have a son.   I definitely am not a pink sparkles and princess dresses type of gal.  But I really didn't know what I was getting myself into when it came to raising a dude.  I wouldn't change a thing about my life with my little man.  He's amazing and I feel proud to be his Mom.  That being said, there are some things that make being a boy-mom amusing and at times thoroughly sidesplitting.  Here are some ways life changes when you're welcoming a charming little gentleman into your world.

  1. Everything from now on will be about his penis.  Literally, from birth everything is about his member. To circumcise or not? Is a baby boner normal? Do I teach him to sit or stand to pee? Is it ok if he constantly plays with it? ALL NORMAL QUESTIONS FOR A MOM!  Their favorite pastime is to play with it. Once he figures out that its there and he has the dexterity, don't expect him to stop.  They can't.  It's their primal instinct.  Little guys will very rarely wear pants and are quite proud of their penises. Just go with the flow. Don't be embarrassed.  My only advice here is to actually call it a penis not a wee-wee or whatever. "That’s a penis and those are testicles and you really need to be careful when you're running around naked."
  2. Boys need to cry.  I am not a fan of telling my son not to cry.  Little boys need to feel their emotions.  For many grown men it is hard for them to appropriately express their true feelings.  We shouldn't be teaching our sons that it's not "manly" to cry.  When Boo needs to I reassure him that it’s ok to do so.  When he's angry we talk about why he's angry.  Tears are not weakness.  You are not making him a crybaby.  By allowing your son to express his feelings you are giving him the ability to relate to others on an emotional level.  You are creating a stronger man.
  3. Boys see superhero-potential in anyone and anything including themselves, the dog, a teddy bear, their friends and YOU.  There are pros and cons to the whole superhero fascination.  Teach them the power of standing up for what’s right, that ordinary people can do IMG_3543extraordinary things, and that helping others in their time of need is a superhero's duty and responsibility.  My problem with it all? Hitting and battling are playground antics that no one should stand for.  Sometimes "fighting crime" translates to just plain bad behavior.  It's a slippery slope that I think we all deal with when guiding the male gender. Roughhousing is innate, and boys are very physical in everything they do.  Try to reinforce the positive attributes by emulating a superhero yourself by finding teaching lessons when they present themselves, always reminding your little superman that a real hero never hits their friends and family.
  4. Little boys never sit still.  Ever.  Just when you think they may be ready to sit still, they run…and run, and run, and run.  I have no advice for this so, good luck with that.
  5. Farts are funny. Period.  You know it, I know it and they know it.  Being crude, rude and goofy is part of a boys right of passage.  Just remind him that there is a time and place for booger and poop jokes.
  6. They are going to wind up with  few injuries.  Hopefully nothing to serious, but its inevitable.  Little boys get hurt.  Invest in some ice packs and cool Band-Aid.
  7. You probably won't pee on a clean toilet seat for a very long time.  It's cool.  He will learn.  Be patient.
  8. Patience and staying calm are skills that will be tested hourly (or more) so don't lose your cool.  Try to remember that little boys are more sensitive than it appears.  Screaming at your son could do more damage than good.  Try taking a deep breath.  I taught Boo to take a deep breath with me and trust me it helps.
  9. Don't be shocked when your boy seems more dramatic than a little girl.  Seriously, little dudes are drama! Boo has had some meltdowns of epic proportions over some of the most random shit ever.  Little girls do not monopolize the market on sassiness.
  10. Little boys treasure their moms.  It’s a sweetness that isn't comparable to any other relationship they have.  They don't always like you at the moment and they will probably tell you that they don't like you (maybe even more than once) but they will always LOVE you. Remember that.