1. When you realize that if you ever decided to go for a jog (stop laughing, it may happen) that your leg hairs may cause a friction fire.
2. When you realize that your last actual pedicure was when that "Jenny From The Block" song was popular AF.
3. When you realize that your last bath was a 15 minute soak to remove the filth of the day and that you used bubble gum bubble bath and had to try not to accidentally goose yourself with a naked Barbie.
4. When you realize that the last time you went to Yoga you were A. flexible and B. didn't pee a little bit when you attempt Dolphin Pose.
5. When you realize you've had a gummy bear stuck in your messy bun (BTW, Mom's invented this look with NO credit from Pinterest.)
6. When you realize your eyebrows are either reminiscent of tow caterpillars mating on your face or you've just gone full Whoopie Goldberg and just don't care to draw them bitches on anymore. Either way...it's just bad news.
7. When you realize that your daily meditation is "Please don't punch that bitch who cut me off in the pick-line..."
8. When you realize Pinterest is your only real mental break in the day...but it's 3AM and you're still pinning projects you'll never do.
9. When you realize your wardrobe went from "Hey, look at me. I'm the hot party girl." to "Hey, Please ignore me and if you do speak to me don't expect me to be happy about it."
10. When you realize the last date you went on was with yourself and even you disappointed you on the date.
11. When you realize you once had some bras what made you say "Oh damn, I feel sexy" and now all of your bras just make you say "Please just don't let a tit fall out when I bend over to pick up the groceries."
12. When you realize that you're well past the point of no return...leggings are just now the only "pants" you own.
13. When you realize you've been driving around ALONE and singing the Moana soundtrack as loud as you possibly can. Remember when you had good taste in music? Nope, not any more.
14. When you realize that the days of lingerie, thongs, and sexy thigh highs have been replaced by big, beige, control-top type situations that cover you from Boob to Kankle.
15. When you realize that your last girls night out ended in an epic conversation with your Uber driver about that time your kids had explosive diarrhea.
16. When you realize the last time you had a good cry was at the end of the movie Coco.
17. When you realize you the last meal you made just for yourself was a bowl of cereal and a vodka tonic.
18. When you realize the last book you read was What to Expect When You're Expecting...and it was a book of LIES, so now you have trust issues.
19. When you realize the last time you saw a therapist was on the show Intervention.
20. When you realize the last selfish thing that you've done is get a Pap-Smear.