Funny Observations From My Life as a Single Mom: New Year, Same Hashtag MomLifeAF

 #newyearnewme? NOPE. More like #newyearmoreofthesame.  I don't need to be a "new me" every new year.  What I do need is for the rest of the damn world to recognize being a Mom means that we are each majestic damn unicorns in sweat pants, juggling our lives and the lives of tiny humans and that the same me day after day and year after year is enough.  

 #nofilter This should apply to the fact that I don't need need a filter to look good. My makeup free, messy hair, and lack of Instagram eyebrows doesn't need a kitty cat face to make me feel pretty.  It also should apply to the fact that after 5 years as a single mother I have lost my ability to filter any of my words when I am not around children. 

#MomsNightOut may sound like a group of trash mouth truckers.  Just be happy we aren't spelling out the cuss words over our glasses of wine and food that isn't shaped like a dinosaur.  

#MomLifeIsTheBestLife  Let's be 100.  its not ALWAYS the best life.  It's hard, and exhausting, and challenging and draining and an emotional rollercoaster and on and on...but we wouldn't change it for all the free time in the world because life before children may have been well-rested but it was dull and tasteless compared to watching someone grow and thrive right before your eyes ...even when you're elbows deep in poppy-diapers or putting together a science project at the eleventh hour because they "forgot." 

 #Babysitter = with it.  I need a moment. 

#boymom As a mom of a 5 year old boy I have come to realize that a good 30% of my time is spent talking about penis.  "Put your penis away." "Do you have to pee? Why are you holding your penis?" "I'm sorry you hit yourself in the penis with that toy...but HOW does that even happen?" penis, penis, penis... 

#nofucksgiven I think it's pretty obvious by my wardrobe, lack of love-life and inability to edit my facial expressions I am out of all the fucks to give about the bullshit opinions out there in the world regarding parenting.  Do what feels right for you.  

#assholeparent The perfect summation of parenting.  No matter how perfect you may want to seem, we are all assholes to our kids at some point.  Like when you buy them popsicles but they aren't the "right ones" so they throw a fit and you're pretty sure the only cure to that is to call and young pretest and an old priest and perform some sort of exorcism.  

#parentingtips Here's mine: keep them alive.  Other than that, I got nothin'.

#kidsfashion It would be nice is he wore actual clothes but for some reason its pajamas or naked and no in-between.  

#parentinghumor You better have this or survival rates decline rapidly...