1. While diligently working on a project for Parent Night at school, teacher asked my son "What is your favorite food?" Kid's response, "a Crappy Meal...That's what my parents call McDonald's." Needless to say the teacher had a great time telling us this story during Parent Night. Disclaimer: don't get your underpants in a bind... we use fast food as a treat on very rare occasions and it isn't part of his regular diet, but what kid doesn't love a shitty little toy in that goofy ass box?
2. When we go over train tracks or a big bump in the road my son will often yell out "That scares my penis!" I literally have no clue what this means, as I do not have a penis, but I imagine said body part being 'scared' is a not good thing...Amiright?
3. As I was standing in the shower the other day trying to get my head together and my son came in and said "nice perky boobies, Mom"... WTF? Note to self: shower at midnight when he's asleep...
4. Me: Come eat your dinner! Son: I hope it doesn't taste like poop again. Me: (dead silence and face on floor)
5. I overheard my son tell Darth Vader "not to be a dick" one time and it took everything I had to keep it together. I laughed so hard that tears soaked my face.
6. This also reminds me of the Thanksgiving when my son called Donald Trump a "Dick" to my very ultra conservative family member and all I could do is shrug and say "he's not wrong." Needless to say, it made for great holiday awkwardness.
7. I asked my son to please not touch the toilet seat when in a public bathroom and he exclaimed, "Are girls THAT DIRTY when they pee?!" Roars of laughter are heard from the surrounding stalls...
8. Son: Did you get me a surprise for being so good? Me: No, but you should be proud of yourself. Son: I'd rather be proud of you for buying me a new Pokemon. Me: (smacks forehead)
9. While getting my sons bathtub ready and he walks in and says, "I'm gonna need a bath bomb in there, it's been a long day..." I feel ya, bro.
10. So, I finally go the first call from the principal. Apparently a teacher asked the kids, "What is an F word?" (The letter of the week is Letter F) My son retorts with "FUCK, but my Mom says I shouldn't say it. It's a grown up word." Technically he was correct and therefor, couldn't be punished. Honestly, I was pretty proud.