Don't get me wrong! I used to Love/Love Halloween, but now I have a kid... 1. Before I had a child I don't think I cared too much about decorating the house as much as I was worried about what party I was attending. Now, apparently my 4-year-old knows when October rolls around that we must buy ridiculous spooky talking things from Target and cover the bushes outside in fake spider web. After about two weeks of Halloween decor I'm ready to put it all back and return to normal, but the collection grows. It always leaves me asking: Is it Christmas yet?
2. There is candy everywhere and its annoying AF. Before child eating candy had no consequences. Now? Oh, hell no. My child isn't allowed artificial dye and a bunch of processed sugars. Call me crazy, but I don't like dealing with a tiny person acting like he's on meth. It ain't pretty. I'm not a complete a-hole, of course I buy him candy. Just organic, vegetable dyes only, with no added chemicals, etc. So, yup...Halloween turns me into a candy dictator. Even I am rolling my eyes at me.
3. Halloween Costumes SUCK! I used to weigh 8 pounds and had no one else to worry about dressing...those were the days I just slipped on the tiniest outfit in my closet and cat ears and called it a "costume." Nope. Not anymore. I'm legit trying to figure out how to wear sweatpants as part of my costume this year. Also, my child HAS to have the most detailed and extravagant costume on the planet. No Target crap for him...apparently he's thinking he has got to have Ru Paul Drag Race quality costuming. Of course we acquiesce.
4. School is to sensitive. Do you remember when you could dress up and go to school? It was a blast! Yeah, no...we don't do that anymore. Now, we have to have a controlled, themed week, with uniformity where all the kids dress as the same thing or whatever...and we do it all with a fake smile and a happy disposition but all I have to say is...it's ridiculous. I have even been asked not to have him wear Halloween themed t-shirts some days because it may be "distracting." He's 4! Everything is distracting!!!
5. Halloween used to be like a day or two, and it never mattered if it was on a weeknight. Is it me or is Halloween an entire F@#%ing week now? And it's on a damn school night! Now that's horror. Dealing with a bunch of kids having a Halloween hangover on a Tuesday. All I can say is that I'm glad his expensive and time-consuming costume will get worn more than once.
Now, please excuse me while I go geek out of how adorable my son looks dressed as Jack Skellington and I post 56 pictures of him killing it this Halloween.