1. Listening to the recent Presidential Debate reminded me of conversations with my own "threenager." He talks over me, throws a tantrum at the first sign of my opposition, creates irrational explanations and flat-out lies to get what he wants...sound familiar? All kiddo is missing is an orange spray tan and a comb-over. 2. Having a child exacerbates all of my insecurities. I'm much more introverted than one would think. At any point in time your child can draw attention to you. It's a legit nightmare.
3. A few days ago I caught my son in the bathroom "washing" his Batman in the toilet. He said it was because it was a "Batman sized bathtub." Gross.
4. I have come to realize that I plan special outings not based solely on whether or not Boo will have fun or not (that's a given) but on whether or not it will make him tired enough to go to bed early. Is that terrible?
5. I absolutely hate Boo's soccer games. Its hot, he doesn't want to play. It dawned on us that he didn't realize that in a game its ok to take the ball away from the opposing team...that's the whole point of the game. So we told him that he could...instead he immediately went over and pushed some random kid on the soccer field and looked at us with a great big smile on his face... PARENT FAIL 3,259...oops.
6. I will make up any excuse and have even made up errands that needed to be run just to avoid getting out the Playdoh...because I have a brand new rug. Now, that's horrible.
7. My son asked me if he would ever get a brother or a sister...I told him to ask his Dad for that.
8. I saw a lady pushing triplet infants in a stroller and thought, "When they turn 3, she's F*&#ed."
9. While wearing workout clothes my son told me he could see my "bah-geen-ah" (which is what he calls a vagina)...I immediately ran to check and see if I had cameltoe. Like I said, kids heighten every insecurity you have times a million.
10. While reading a magazine at the checkout counter the other day I realized that my body type has literally gone out of style. "Butts are 'in' and 'boobs' are out." WTF? Really? What are they trying to do to women? Don't we have enough to worry about? How does an entire body shape that is dictated by genetics, miles logged on a treadmill and the amount of Oreos I may or may not have eaten simply go "out of style?" F that!