1. In the last two years I have not taken a shower without simultaneously repairing a toy in the process. Example: just a few weeks ago I was in the shower and my son lugged in the entire Hot Wheels racetrack for me to "fix" while I had shampoo running into my eyes and one leg in mid-shave....and to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I actually finished shaving the leg but the toy was "fixed." 2. I have recently asked an entire car load of adults if they have all gone "pee-pee" before we left an establishment.
3. I loath soccer games for my son. It's 100 degrees in the shade, my son is melting down every 7 minutes, by the time they start playing he's had a gallon of water to drink and has to pee, the uniform gave him a heat rash, and by the time it's all done I need a strong mimosa and a nap.
4. I recently discovered I own an overwhelming number of cups for my son...he uses two. These are legitimately the only two cups on the face of the earth that will do. Any mention of the other cups or suggestion to use the other cups creates mass hysteria...I avoid that drama at all cost.
5. I Pinterest a lot of hairstyles that I will never: 1) have the skill to accomplish or 2) have time to accomplish. #mombun
6. My son was in the bath the other day and I glanced over and saw him reaching for a small, brown, floating object. I went into panic mode. "No! Don't touch that! Is that a Poop?!?!".....it was a toy otter. He rolled his eyes at me. I almost stroked out, and let me just say, I threw the otter toy away. I'm too old for that kind of anxiety.
7. My current clothing size ranges somewhere between "I can't eat the rest of the day if I wear this" and "I'll have a third taco, please...no one will ever know."
8. The back seat of my car consists of: 3 empty sippy cups, 2 pairs of kid sized shoes, 3 socks (don't ask where the fourth is...I have no idea), 2 batmen, and a dozen used boogie wipes.
9. The other day I accidentally dozed off, only to be awoken by a nerf "bullet" straight to the boob.
10. I'm getting my hair done this week...Its the most exciting thing to happen to me since the last season of Game Of Thrones.