1. I have two towels. My kid has 45 adorable hooded towels with characters on them and I literally just think they're the cutest thing ever...but I only have two (seriously) towels that I have to wash every other day. And when I go to buy myself some more towels, I just end up with more for my kid. Ridiculous.
2. I have full conversations with my dog when my son is in preschool. I have even accidentally yelled at her and called her by my son's name when she knocked over a plant the other day. Let's call that force of habit.
3. I was legit excited to hear there was a new Paw Patrol character coming out. No wonder I can't get a date.
4. In my spare time I like to take long leisurely strolls down the makeup isle at Target...like I ever wear a full face of makeup anymore...but a girl can dream, right?
5. My favorite compliment is when someone at Crate and Barrel says, "well he's pretty well-behaved" as he's pretend light saber battling with BBQ tongs. Trust me, lady, it could get worse. I'll take this as a win.
6. I laugh hysterically when my 3.5 year old can manage to wait until the entire room falls silent and yells at the top of his lungs "we don't say stupid or fuck, right mom? We don't say that cause it's bad, right? We don't say STUPID or FUCK."
7. This meme is soooooo accurate:
8. I have three looks these days: school drop off (also doubles as gym-look...thanks altheti-leisure trend), going out (it's the same black dress and adidas sneaks because I don't really go anywhere high-heel worthy anymore), and pajamas...this is my favorite because it's the only bra-free option.
9. I can leave the grocery store after an hour and a half with a back seat full of healthy and delicious options for my kid to eat, each painstakingly researched, labels read and kid approved...and have nothing to eat for myself...like nothing. Except wine.
10. I have woken up WAY early to catch up on all of my TV shows because it's better than a tattle-tailing toddler repeatedly reminding me that "we don't say 'stupid' or 'fuck', right Mom?"